Start Talking to Your Partner About Kinks
Negotiate for better sex with the Yes-No-Maybe Sexual Interest Checklist
Have you ever struggled to find a way to talk to your partner about trying out new kinks in the bedroom? I have a fun, sexy activity that just might be your solution to this challenge.
The Yes-No-Maybe Sexual Interest Checklist is modeled after a tried and true BDSM/Kink practice. One of the core tenets of ethical BDSM/Kink is to negotiate before sex or play. Potential partners sit down and hash out the details in advance so that everyone is on the same page. They discuss safe sex, which activities they do or do not want to engage in, what specific language they want to use (ex: safewords), limits, and aftercare (i.e. what they want to do after sex). All of this discussion serves several important functions:
developing informed consent
clearly communicating boundaries
teaching one another about turn-ons and turn-offs
developing trust and intimacy, and
foreplay!
You don’t have to be into bondage or sadomasochism to benefit from negotiating with your partner before sex. How much better would sex be if you knew in advance how to tell if they’re close to orgasm or that they really enjoy giving oral sex but not receiving it? Imagine all of the awkward trial and error that you could avoid.
If you are in a long-term relationship, negotiation can serve as a sort of reset button. Sexual interests and preferences naturally change over time, so it makes sense to check in and ask for an update. You might find out that something your partner used to really enjoy doesn’t interest them anymore or you could have the opportunity to share that you’re interested in trying out something new.
Did I mention that negotiation is foreplay too? Sex starts long before you hit the sheets. It begins when you create a shared fantasy, and negotiating is an excellent way to get your minds together and fantasize as one.
The Yes-No-Maybe Sexual Interest Checklist is a simple tool to start negotiating for more exciting sex. The worksheet guides you through a list of sexy activities, kinks, fetishes and toys and asks each partner to weigh in on their interest by indicating yes, no, or maybe. More detailed directions and a glossary of terms are included. Remember to ask for your partner’s consent before initiating this activity, and - as always - that adopting a non-judgemental stance is key to making this activity a success.
To access this activity, click on the link provided below to download the PDF.
