Body Image Blues: The Unseen Impact on Libido
and 7 Empowering Steps Towards Sexual Confidence
Feeling unattractive is a libido killer. If you struggle with poor body image, you may insist on getting it on in the dark or partially clothed. Maybe you prevent sensual touch on certain areas of your body. You might be distracted with thoughts that you’re unattractive during sex or avoid intimacy altogether.
It may not surprise you to hear that your feelings about your body affect your sex life. In this post, I break down the components of body image, describe how poor body image can affect your sexual experiences, and provide seven ideas to help you embrace your bodies sensual potential and enjoy intimacy.
Body Image Basics
Whether it’s negative, neutral or positive, body image is the result of a complex, never-ending process of evaluation and comparison. In their study looking at the relationship between body image and sexual avoidance, Cherie La Rocque and Jan Coe, define body image development in three parts:
Comparisons - When you evaluate your body compared to your ideal (a.k.a. how you would like your body to look)
Emotions - The feelings that come up when there is a gap between how your body appears to you and how you would like it to appear
Investment - The amount of importance that you place on your appearance; in a way, this is a prediction of how your appearance will affect your experiences
If you are struggling with poor body image, you might judge your body as lacking compared to bodies you believe are attractive. You might then feel shame, frustration or sadness that you don’t look like you think you should. Depending on the importance of appearance to you, this negative assessment of yourself could feel disastrous!
One more important concept to understand about body image is a phenomena called “self objectification”. When you engage in self objectification, you treat your body as if it were an object with the primary purpose of being viewed and judged. There is no denying that bodies are judged based on appearance constantly in our culture, so please don’t blame yourself for getting roped into this mindset. Sadly, appearance and presentation have profound impacts on everyday people’s lives all the time. Here’s the good news: awareness of the forces that drive body insecurity helps free you from their grip!
Breaking Free from Body Image Blues
If you’re one of the many people affected by poor body image and you want to reinvigorate your sexual confidence, consider the following suggestions.
Give your body some love
Negative feelings about body image can lead to less than loving treatment of yourself and worsen your confidence over time. Lavish your body with the love and kindness you would give it if you were completely satisfied with your appearance. If you would like to change parts of your body, remember that healthy change comes from a place of respect and caring not hate or disappointment. Here are some ideas:
Make a list of things that you appreciate about your body
Dress yourself comfortably and avoid ill fitting or constraining clothes (Remember that it’s the clothing that doesn’t fit, NOT your body)
Treat your body with some sensory pleasure
Use positive affirmations while you practice looking at and touching your body (“My body is good no matter what it looks like” or “I love my body because it can …”)
2. Expand your mind and learn more about sex
The mind is the most important sex organ. Pick up a book or find a new podcast and learn more about the incredibly diverse spectrum of sexual expression and experiences humans are capable of. Your contributions to sexual play go far beyond your body’s appearance.
3. Focus on pleasure and sensation instead of appearance
Approach your sex play with mindfulness. Self-objectification pulls the mind away from sensory experiences. Pay attention to your thoughts during sex. Are you focused on how it FEELS or how it LOOKS? When self-conscious thoughts dominate your mind, you miss out on pleasure and connection. Practice touching and being touched with as much focus as you can muster on tactile sensation.
4. Unpack your unhelpful beliefs about the importance of appearance
Here are a few questions to contemplate:
Where did I learn that it is important to look a certain way?
Do I hold others to the same physical standard that I hold myself?
Do I speak to myself about my appearance the same way that I would speak to someone else?
Do I deny myself experiences because of the way I view my body?
5. Consider practicing body neutrality
The body neutrality movement encourages appreciation of the body’s function over form. This pragmatic approach to health and wellness acknowledges that living a healthy and happy lifestyle is independent from appearance. Satisfying sexual function can exist at any size or shape.
6. Give yourself a break from self-objectification
What would it be like to take a break from unhelpful beauty behaviors that reinforce negative body image? How might you feel if you cut out:
Scrutinizing your body in the mirror,
Perfectionist grooming habits,
Fixating on wearing “flattering” clothes, or
Hiding or disguising parts of your body that you don’t like?
7. Consider therapy
Facing your body image beliefs, emotions and experiences may seem frightening. Changing how you feel about your body might seem impossible. You don’t have to do it alone. Therapy can help. A qualified therapist will be able to provide a supportive environment and evidence-based strategies to help you achieve your self-esteem goals and invigorate your libido for a more satisfying sex life.
Citations:
La Rocque, Cherie & Cioe, Jan. (2011). An Evaluation of the Relationship between Body Image and Sexual Avoidance. Journal of sex research. 48. 397-408. 10.1080/00224499.2010.499522.
